How to behave in a conflict at work

If you spend a lot of time in the office, then rapprochement with colleagues and managers is inevitable. The reverse side of such close communication is quarrels, disputes and scandals. In a word, we are talking about conflict at work – contradictions that arise due to different visions of the situation.

Types of Conflict

Conflict is closely linked to negative emotions and going beyond social and moral standards..

The most common scenario is a quarrel between two colleagues. However, there may be a problem between one person and the whole team, as well as the employee and the boss. Disagreements between individual groups occur a little less often when people compete in work or gather around informal leaders..
The variety of professional conflicts is great, which means that it is difficult to avoid them. Five years ago, a study by HeadHunter showed that more than 60% of Russians at least once quarreled with their bosses.

To maintain working capacity and stress resistance in such conditions, you need to know how to behave properly in a conflict situation.

How to behave in a conflict situation

1. Recognize the problem

If conflict is imminent and the situation is uncomfortable, do not hide your head in the sand and do not hope that everything will disappear by itself. Having established that there are real contradictions, try to analyze what role the parties to the conflict play in its creation. It is useful to think about what external factors influence the quarrel (whether it is an intensive work schedule, pressure from bosses or personal hostility).

2. Take the initiative in your own hands

When you understand the scale of the problem and its nature, start working on it. Do not expect the second side to do this. Raise the discussion of the situation first, even if you played an unpleasant role in its creation. At the same time, consider the time and place for a difficult conversation.

So, a short correspondence by e-mail or annoyed telephone conversation during the lunch break can lead to even greater development of the conflict. Discuss everything thoroughly and in a calm place. A personal meeting should be truly personal – without strangers in the form of fellow observers.

3. Do not respond to bait

When discussing the cause of a conflict with an opponent, remember that there are words whose purpose is to bring you to a fever. All kinds of insults and impudent remarks only distract from the essence of the quarrel. Do not give in, so as not to lose control of yourself and the conversation. Bend your line and do not kick back. Understand that any resentment will subside over time, but a positive result from productive joint activities, whether it be a pay raise or a completed project, will become a real success.

4. Be diplomatic

If you are angry or upset, you must understand that the other person also has feelings and feelings, and he is worthy of respect. Even if it seems that he is doing terribly, becoming personal, you do not need to hurt a person. Aggressive people are vulnerable, so a cheeky joke or a suicidal argument can fuel a conflict.

Be correct and diplomatic, so that the atmosphere of scandal has dried up by itself. When the other person starts talking, get ready to consider a different point of view. Do not rush him with an expression of thoughts and do not interrupt.

Avoiding Conflict

If the collision reflects different points of view within the production process, it is not necessary to avoid it. Such conflict situations are correct, and most importantly – help to achieve better working results..

However, if you are faced with an attempt to turn a local skirmish into a real everyday scandal, then refrain from a “dirty game.” Communication with outright aggressors undermines your emotional and psychological stability. This will negatively affect work. In such a situation, it makes sense:

1. Keep silent

A great way to curb any quarrel that has begun. In this case, you do not avoid the problem, but keep the situation within the working framework. Do not show that the words of the instigator offended you. Do not respond with insults to insults. Any emotional reaction here (be it defense or aggression against the manipulator) is already a loss.

2. To postpone discussion of a painful topic

An alternative option to save your own nerves is not to avoid a quarrel, but to push it away. Offer to speak later on the pretext of not being ready for discussion. Firstly, you will gain time to understand the situation, and secondly, the passions in the head and heart of your interlocutor will subside.

3. Change the direction of the conversation

When you feel provocations from the opposite, remember what work result you are guided by. Focus not on insults, but on specific work tasks. Turn the conversation into a constructive channel, ignoring attempts to cheat you.

If a specific situation cannot be discussed, shift the focus to another work task. In addition, you can smooth the sharp corner, translating everything into a painless cute joke.

4. Refuse to defend their point of view

When the conflict is not caused by fundamental disagreements, take the first step and make concessions. Remember that sometimes a bad world is better than a good quarrel. By agreeing to a compromise or allowing a person to win, you do not humiliate yourself, but show professional flexibility.

The rules of ethics and basic respect also help to avoid a conflict situation. The less you criticize a person behind your back and gossip, the less chance there is of a quarrel. For the same reason, give up familiarity and observe the boundaries of someone else’s space.

If you notice that dissatisfaction is accumulating in you over some kind of working matter, discuss the problem with your superiors so that your irritation does not develop into a major conflict. Lastly, keep in mind that many business quarrels involve improper performance of duties, so strive to be a responsible and conscientious employee..

How to resolve a conflict – strategies for dealing with a conflict

There are a large number of verbal techniques that will help you reflect the opponent’s arguments, bring down his emotional mood and call to mind:

1. Sniper technique

Pretend that you did not hear this or that provocative remark or direct insult. Indifferently ask that the opponent is completely at a loss or reformulate his words, realizing their impoliteness.

2. Heart to heart conversation

This strategy is directly related to understanding the feelings and thoughts of the enemy. During the discussion, use the phrases “I heard you” and “I understand you” to show that you are partly on the side of the opponent and are aware of his emotional state. For the same purpose, use the pronoun “we”, demonstrating that you and your interlocutor are in the same social group.

3. Question and Answer Technique

Feel free to ask if you do not understand the essence of the conflict. Specify the position and motivation of the opponent. We often think that people act in spite, but they don’t even know how their behavior looks from the side. Interrogative intonation in a conflict is better than accusatory, as it is neutral and emphasizes your interest..

Ask questions, because this is how you build dialogue on trust and understanding, especially if you say “why did you decide to do this?”, “I’m sorry, what do you mean?” or “help me understand the situation?”.

4. Consent and apology

If you are not ready to admit mistakes and do not consider yourself wrong, start counterarguments with consent, using the “yes, but” construct to calm the interlocutor. You can replace “but” with “and” so as not to belittle the opponent’s ideas and thoughts.

The aggressor and the victim are equally responsible for the development of the conflict. You can apologize for your role in the argument by expressing regret. These words do not mean guilt, but they do mean taking responsibility for the situation. But what exactly is not necessary is to demand an apology from another person.

5. Modeling situations

If you see flaws in the ideas of the interlocutor, do not talk about it right away, but make them hypothetical. For example, change the phrase “your project will not work because you did not take into account the interests of the target audience” for the hypothetical question: “how will we sell this product, from your point of view?”. By this method you not only express direct participation in the discussion, but also give a chance to explain.

How to get out of a conflict situation

1. Find common ground

Regardless of what the essence of the contradictions lies in, people always have something in common. These may be work goals in a company, personal motivation, emerging emotions or thoughts. Focus on proximity with your opponent. Having reached agreement in one thing, you will come to a profitable solution in any matter.

To smooth out disagreements, discard the use of the words “never” or “always” to denote a claim. The phrase “sometimes you make mistakes” sounds nicer than “you always make mistakes”.

2. Remember that experiences should not impersonate

Keeping control of the situation is easier when you radiate confidence and calm: gestures, postures and facial expressions. Keep your back straight, do not cross arms and legs, do not raise your voice, speech should be measured.

Do not speak fast and loudly because you have less time left to think through the words. Of course, no physical abuse is allowed.

3. Engage a third party

Some conflicts at work will be resolved by an HR specialist. He will appoint a staff member to mediate or call both parties for a constructive dialogue on the matter..

The main thing is that an outsider does not try to push the conflicting people to a specific solution, but gives them the opportunity to find a way out of the situation on their own.

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