How to stop quarreling over money and start competent family budget management

Consultant-methodologist of the project vashifinansy.rf, independent financial consultant Natalya Kolbasina on why many Russian families quarrel over money and how such conflicts can affect a child.

Money is one of the most closed and forbidden topics in our society. Discussion of financial issues in the family often occurs emotionally and leads to disputes and scandals. According to statistics, about 40% of quarrels in a family are due to money and about a quarter of families collapse due to lack of money.
Often children hear or are present when parents quarrel over financial issues. Parents on a wave of emotions do not restrain themselves in statements. And in children at this moment, the foundations of a personal money program are laid.

Children are very observant. If parents swear because of a lack of money, blame each other, repeat the phrases “no money”, etc., negative money programs are formed in children that will prevent them from becoming financially successful people in adulthood. To solve the problem, you need to understand the causes of quarrels, which allow you to begin the competent maintenance of the family budget.

Why financial disagreements appear

• First. In my opinion, the main reason for the emergence of financial disputes in the family is a conflict of values, different beliefs about money. Most often, the money quarrels are not the money itself, but the different money programs of men and women. If the spouses’ money programs do not match, the family is at risk. This applies to married couples, people living in a civil marriage, business partners, relatives. Each of us has our own financial habits and views on how and where to spend money. We acquire them in childhood and as a result of personal experience. They may not coincide with the financial habits of the spouse. And then the difficulties begin.

I want to note an important point. Men and women relate differently to money. Men care more about themselves, their needs and the social status of the family. A woman at the disposal of money is more oriented to the needs of family and children (shopping at home, creating coziness and comfort).

• The second. The next reason is low incomes and, as a result, lack of money in the family. It manifests itself in the form of discontent of one of the spouses, mainly the wife, that the husband earns little.

This may be due to a sharp decline in family income due to loss of work or temporary disability of one of the spouses, respectively, the family finds itself in a difficult financial situation. And if you have not created a financial airbag – a cash reserve of 3-6 months. the amount of expenses, quarrels can not be avoided.

• The third. Unequal income and the struggle for power. One of the spouses earns more, considers himself more important and constantly reminds the second about it. Money in the family is not only a resource, but also an indicator of power. And the question arises – and who is more important: the one who earns more money, or the one who interacts more and more with money?

• Fourth. The stinginess of one of the spouses. One of the spouses believes that the second contributes little to the family budget and spends a lot of money on himself.

• Fifth. Lack of accounting and control of income and expenses in the family.

Fortunately, personal relationships and relationships with money can be established. As a financial consultant, to stop and prevent family quarrels, I recommend:

1. Try to understand and decipher the money program of your partner

To do this, you can perform the following exercise with your husband / wife.

• Discuss each person’s personal financial experience: how your family treated money, what your parents and relatives said, your personal experience with money is positive, negative, what events caused emotional upheaval. How are you used to spend money?

• Find out what money really means for your partner: freedom, pleasure, independence, stability, social status, fear? What feelings and emotions cause money? Why does a partner need money? This will allow you to decipher each other’s financial programs and find out the cause of the disagreement..

• Coordinate your main goals and views on money, expenses in the family.

• Make a list of rules and actions that you will follow, write them down on paper. Hang it in a conspicuous place. In the event of a conflict, delicately remind each other of the agreements reached..

2. Set family financial goals

Proper maintenance of the family budget will not do without it. In my opinion, nothing brings family closer than common financial goals. Think about what you want to achieve together as a family – purchase apartments, cars, the creation of an education fund for educating children and something else. But it is important that each spouse has his own personal financial space.

And this is normal! In addition to common family goals, each spouse can have personal financial goals – for example, creating pension capital for themselves. This is especially true for women who do housework and raise children..

3. Start planning and maintaining a family budget

Normal family budget management is also hard to imagine without planning. Take control of your money. To get started, decide what type of family budget you will have:

• General
• Separate
• Mixed

The optimal, in my opinion, is a mixed budget. With a mixed budget, each of the spouses, in addition to general, family expenses, has money for personal expenses. This money spouses can spend at its discretion, without reporting to each other. And make mutual pleasant surprises and gifts.

Of course, this is one of the possible options. Each family may have its own budget management option. The main thing is that he suits all family members and does not cause a feeling of discomfort and disputes over the distribution of money.

It is important to understand that maintaining a family budget is not about saving on everything and everything, but about optimizing income and expenses. Planning and controlling family finances helps improve your quality of life..

4. Talk about money

Enter a financial day in the family and once a month on that day discuss monetary matters, the family budget, and major purchases. Involve your children in a family budget discussion. So they feel their importance, acquire the first planning and money management skills..

5. Rejoice at your financial success.

Praise each other, appreciate the efforts of each other. Reward yourself for achieving your financial goals. Set aside an item in the budget for bonuses for successes in family finances, set a money limit on it and spend the whole family on entertainment and desired purchases. So you will spend time interesting and exciting. And you can tame short emotions. It is because of them that people make rash and spontaneous purchases to cheer up. And the pleasure of them does not last long. And then I want to buy more and more.

Recreation and entertainment planning and conscious spending will allow you to get a better vacation without additional burden on the budget, control short emotions and spontaneous spending. And that means there will be much less reasons for quarrels.